i’d like to introduce you to my friends
ashley + moni

these two are world travelers, they are exceptional at pretty much anything they give their focus to, and what they’ve accomplished, both as individuals and as a family, is truly remarkable. they take incredible care of each other in ways you’ve never seen. i smile the biggest whenever ashley checks in with me from an airplane awaiting take off on the runway because he’s sent her out west to be with her friends, or to go on a trip with her mom. they live with great intention, and prioritize the growth of their minds and bodies, and it’s pretty cool to be a witness to it from afar.

and you know, it would be that i actually met ashley many moons ago in our nights of underground bars in downtown ann arbor. we had many mutual friends, and stayed in touch online. a few years ago we reconnected kind of spiritually, as two hearty women amidst big life transitions, and we were really drawn to each other’s energy. i even got to photograph her a few years ago with the family that she nannied for when she lived in michigan. we did the photos as a sort of token to the connections she made during that time, and through her i’ve even managed to meet some of the most wonderful souls too. you’ll soon learn all the ways ashley makes an impact wherever she goes. whether she’s being your biggest cheerleader through a life event, or she’s holding space for you in difficult moments, she is a most wonderful companion to have in my life.

so, when ashley + moni began trying to have a baby of their own (moni has two beautiful grown boys from a previous partner) they were immediately facing obstacle after obstacle. she so bravely gave us all a front row seat to what she was going through, which you can follow along with here, and i really urge you to. ashley has a way of bringing a certain kind of strength to moments that are earth shattering. she allows us to peer into what she’s been through, and in doing so, she has played a significant role for so many others who face infertility. all of us who have watched ashley walk this path, have done so in awe.

—upon the final round of IVF, i’d mentioned to marty that if the transfer didn’t work for them, and at some point they decided to try surrogacy again (another heartbreak story) that i needed to be the one to offer. and to be perfectly honest, there was never just one big conversation to decide if we were going to move forward or not. it was more like a delicate string of both little and big conversations as we learned, gathered information, and started to understand what the process would look like from beginning to end. coming to the decision together actually felt easy, even though difficult conversations definitely arose, of course. it’s actually just occurring to me right now as i type this, that while he did have some big questions, he never once tried to talk me of out it. there wasn’t any convincing i had to do, and i can’t help but feel like it’s because he really, truly does know me so well that he just knew this was something we were going to do because i wanted it so badly–

and then one day, not long after that, ashley + moni arrived gently to their village, and they made their plea for help, and as soon as i saw it, it would be my voice dinging into her phone with a recorded voice note… which is something i’ve been doing for a few years now. it helps me walk away from conversations not worried about how my thoughts are perceived because i know the person heard my message with my voice, and that grounds me…

annnnd we’re breathing…

so, many months, and endless legal document amending, and doctors appointments, and psychological evaluations later, and we are finally getting ready to begin the process! i have been physically and psychologically cleared to carry a baby, meds are being ordered, flights will start getting booked, an embryo transfer will be scheduled, ahhhhhh! and all the while, we are realizing that it’s time to open our circle to our people, so that we can be supported.

there are parts of the process that could send me into a tail spin of panic if i didn’t try and move with them when they arrive to me— and to many this will be a surprise, but none of them are the pregnancy or the birth itself. the big scary one is that this is ashley + moni’s last embryo, this is their final chance to have a biological baby that is made up of them, and the weight of that often catches me off guard as i know it will likely continue to do so, but it’s also the devilish details of the weeks leading up to the embryo transfer that will involve incredibly scheduled, daily injections, oral meds, and vaginal suppositories. being a terribly unorganized person, this leaves me awake at night, worried i will screw something up or miss the timing— but @adubsruns is the total opposite of me, thankfully, and i couldn’t be luckier to be doing this with someone like her. she has done literally ALL of the grunt work of this process. she makes all the phone calls, she remembers all of the details, and she checks in on me almost daily. i feel ℎ𝑎𝑑 by her in a way that i’ve never really experienced, and it’s really special. she even has my prenatal vitamins just delivered right to the door like clockwork.

i think i want to kind of wrap this up by just making some simple statements:

i am NOT pregnant right now, but with a little luck, that’s gonna change here pretty soon. we are hoping to be celebrating a viable pregnancy early spring.

this will NOT be my biological child. this is ashley and moni’s embryo, which will be transferred to me to carry to term.

you might not be able to imagine growing a life in your body, with your body, and then handing that baby over to someone else in the end, and that is okay!!! it’s okay if you cannot imagine yourself doing this because there are people who CAN imagine it, and those people do it. 

i don’t really believe that this aspect is anyones business, but since becoming immersed into the world of surrogacy, i’ve learned there are elements in this journey that you wouldn’t even think of unless you were in it, and one of them is compensation. i am NOT being compensated for doing this, for my own personal reasons, but also, the state of michigan actually prohibits a monetary exchange between Intended Parents and the Surrogate.

this is actually the second time surrogacy has sort of danced into my orbit. after jo was born, i learned the absolutely tragic details of a family member who faced her own heartbreak in this realm, and i told her i would carry for her. i pushed another time or two, and then had to let it go before i started to seem creepily interested and freak them out. i bring this up, because it feels important to share that this is the second time the cosmos gave me a chance to offer myself in this way…and i don’t know about you, but i don’t know a single person who can say the same thing, and this is just one of those things that can’t be explained, just known… and i couldn’t let another chance pass me by.

so that’s it, that’s the news i’ve been trying to write well enough to fit into a stupid IG caption without continuing in comments! it’s taken me MONTHS because it was impossible, and then yesterday it finally dawned on me that i still have this little cozy spot on the internet to share from!

LAST THING!

Ashley + Moni’s wonderful friends have put together a GoFundMe to raise money that can be used to help them cover the enormous costs. from ashley,

“a lot of people have been asking how they can help us and we never know what to say. it’s hard asking for help, especially the way the world is these days. but my dear, sweet ann arbor mamas, carolyn and seana offered to create this go fund me fundraiser for us. and although we were very hesitant at first, we’ve felt a nudge to surrender. if you feel so inclined to “help us”, please know you’ll be supporting us with the costs we will endure on our surrogacy journey-legal fees, health insurance, medication and fertility procedures. we have absolutely no fertility coverage and have paid for everything out of pocket thus far.  we love all of you no matter what and are eternally grateful for your continued love and support on this long and wild road to bebe laube.” -ashley and moni

CLICK HERE TO MAKE DONATION WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR

xo,
B